How We Consume Love, and What Love Actually Is
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There is an interesting way we consume love nowadays. When I say consume, it's because we treat love as something replaceable: a distraction, a product you can purchase, play with, and replace when it's no longer needed.
I've spent the last few weeks in Europe with my family and friends, and a common topic that comes up is love and relationships. Who doesn't like talking about their crushes, last dates, and heartbreaks? Everyone does, and so do I. What I have seen is swiping profiles right to left, meeting people knowing that there is actually no real interest, consuming love to feel less lonely, or giving it all to someone for the sake of feeling appreciated, or just to give ourselves an identity and a feeling of existing. Because many of us are not comfortable with existing without the validation of external eyes.
The first experience you have with love is through your parents, as a child. Then with others, as a reflection of your surroundings, and at some point with yourself. But really, all of those forms are intertwined: how you love yourself is reflected in how you love others, and how you have been loved shapes the kind of love you expect.
When love is treated as something you can gain or possess, it loses all meaning and becomes so abstract that it enters a world where love is a transaction. It isn't that different from when marriage had an economic and social meaning. The game has become a little more dangerous, because it now has a psychological aspect: love is covered in lies. At least, years ago, it was pretty clear.
But just so we're clear, that's not Love. Because we don't understand the pure form of Love, we try to control it, shape it, cage it, give it a meaning, when Love itself doesn't need our identification to exist.
When I talk about Love, I'm talking about the higher form of Love, which is unconditional. A Love that feels free, and that no matter how, where, or with whom you express it, there won't be separation between you and its form. It is a Love that lasts no matter where you are, in whichever dimension or level of consciousness you are living. In this Love there are no games, no feelings of power or attachment, no dynamic of chaser and purchaser.
So actually, I should write two different articles: one about unconditional Love, which is independent of the relationship, and one about relationships. But I want to talk about them together here, because many of us don't make the separation.
Now that we know Love and relationships are different, I don't think you need to be in a relationship to experience Love, and it's definitely not because you are in a relationship that you are living through Love. I've observed that the more disconnected you are from yourself, the more interesting the set-up of your relationships will be, I'm talking about open relationships, moving from one to another, or being stuck in one because it reminds you of a psychological pattern you grew up with.
When you have experienced unconditional Love within yourself and the world around you, a relationship is no longer a necessity but rather a sacred space with a dimension of divinity, a home. And this is only possible if the being that shares this home with you has also experienced unconditional Love independently of being in a relationship.
Paradoxically, although I have just talked about the difference between Love and relationship, I believe that being in a relationship in today's society is extremely necessary, as many of us don't seem to see Love in its unconditional form. Being in a relationship is one of the only places where you can actually face yourself by mirroring each other and grow. That's also why being with someone is necessary from an evolutionary perspective. Imagine being able to evolve, to lose your mask, and to learn who you are but surrounded by love, feeling safe and seen. Isn't that the most beautiful place where you could do that?
The thing is, many of us are guided by pride and aren't ready to face our wounds, because we are scared of being judged, rejected, or abandoned. Or simply because we never actually valued, or learned to value, that aspect of a relationship. But again, this would make a loving relationship a "necessity" rather than a pure expression of Love. For most of us, this relationship are enough to experience Love. I invite you to ask yourself: why do you want to be in a relationship? Remember, love is not something to possess, intellectualise, or identify with.
I've observed that the love people seek in a relationship often responds to a conscious or unconscious need: some to counter loneliness, some to distract themselves, some to give their reality a meaning, some to achieve their goals, some because of the pressure of social expectations. So my question to you is: How do you love? Why do you love? Where does this love come from?
