The Faces We Share and the Truth We Hold
Have you ever noticed how your sense of self shifts depending on who you’re with and where you are?
Let’s be honest: you’re not exactly the same person at work as you are with your closest friends. At work, sitting behind your desk, you might smile at your coworkers because if you don’t, they might not value you in the office. But beneath that, there is a more authentic version of you, the one that exists beyond expectations and social performance.
We live in a world where image often seems more important than authenticity. How we present ourselves can shape how society places or recognizes us. Caring about how you appear is not wrong; it is even necessary. But when your presentation does not align with your values, your actions, or your inner truth, you begin to lose touch with who you really are.
There is a powerful way to get to know the different facets of your personality: take a moment and think about all the people you have formed emotional connections with, friends, partners, mentors, family, and notice how you interact differently with each of them. You do not actually change; different aspects of your personality come forward depending on the emotional space shared.
When you connect with someone and feel a shared understanding, a bond is created through emotions. You are experiencing similar feelings, which is why the understanding happens. When you talk about a shared experience, it is not the event itself that forms the bond, but the emotion behind it, how you felt.
The expression of our life experiences is limited by our words, senses, and understanding. Everyone has their own life story and their own interpretation of it. What truly bonds you with someone is the emotion you share, something we all feel at some point. For example, if I tell you, “I am happy,” you understand that I am having a positive experience. If I say, “I feel angry,” you understand that something is creating frustration in me. But if I explain why, you may not relate to the situation itself, you relate to the emotion. That is how you understand my reality, but not the full experience of it.
When you meet someone on a deeper level, you create a relationship that is formed through a range of emotions, allowing both of you to understand each other’s life experiences. Most of the time, you connect with someone who has a similar level of emotional intelligence and emotional capacity as you. You may also connect with someone who shares similar emotional wounds, this is where the idea of being “trauma bonded” comes from. We often feel connected to people who reflect something familiar in us, even if that familiarity comes from pain. The experiences themselves can be very different, but emotional resonance is what builds the bridge.
Once we form a connection, we usually feel the need to label it. We classify it, categorize it, and the label comes with expectations. Let me make this clearer: if you connect with someone and enjoy spending time together, eventually society will ask, “Who is this person to you?” Then you try to rationalize and name the connection: friend, partner, crush. The relationship becomes filtered through roles and rules, and we may lose some of its natural essence. We express only the version of ourselves that fits the label.
Through the label, you start expressing yourself in a certain way to fulfill those expectations, but it’s important to remember that every label limits expression to a certain degree. Each bond allows you to access only part of who you are.
The person you show at work, at the gym, online, or with your family is only a small part of your whole self. And while it’s natural to adapt to different environments so you can belong, grow, and be understood, you don’t need to identify entirely with any single role. Many people feel lost today because they try to build their whole identity around one aspect of their life. For some, this may work, but for others, it leads to a sense of disconnection from the deeper self.
So before labeling a bond with someone, or identifying yourself based on what you do, take the time to get to know yourself. Understand what is truly you, and what is simply a response to external expectations.
Check in with yourself: How do I feel?
Ask yourself whether you are truly being who you are, or if you are fulfilling an external expectation. Whatever you are feeling is an indication of how you are stepping into the world.
The goal is not to remove the masks entirely, sometimes they are necessary. The goal is to wear them without forgetting the face beneath. Know your values. Know the essence you want to bring into every relationship, every environment, every moment. Accept that you will show different parts of yourself in different settings, but let them all come from the same core truth.
Make peace with who you are, and allow yourself to be many things. Hold preferences, not expectations.
